Old anxiety that I’m weird and so socially defunct that I’m an embarrassing tax to any company. I understand everyone and their mom stakes claim to this repulsive weirdness title but sometimes I look back to having no real friends growing up and attribute it to being so utterly unappealing as a person. When I hear things now about how so and so mutual friend of so and so I know says I’m psychotic, crazy etc I get a little hurt. Even if I know so and so doesn’t know me. The fact they’d say it, that’d their insult points to a general repugnant aura of untouchableness appeals to my irrational sense from childhood.